


Einkaufszentrum

by steviatea (orphan_account)



Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad
Genre: Breaking Bad Spoilers, Fear of Death, Fear of Discovery, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lawyers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26295361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/steviatea
Summary: Saul confesses his fears to Francesca.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Einkaufszentrum

**Author's Note:**

> The title, "Einkaufszentrum," is the German word for "shopping mall" or "shopping center" -- this may be a spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen Better Call Saul yet!

“I have a confession to make,” Saul said softly. “I have no idea what I'm doing anymore, and I'm really, really scared. When I first moved to Albuquerque, I was” The 1998 Suzuki Esteem was but a long and distant memory to Jimmy; he remembered very well when it fell into the ditch. That car had taken so many hits, and he hadn't even realized that it wouldn't last forever. Francesca surely remembered the old vehicle, but now he drove a Cadillac with a vanity plate that said LWYRUP. The _LWYRUP_ , of course, was a reference to the expression _lawyer up_. It was an incredibly useful advertisement for his self-run law firm.

“You drive a nice car now,” Francesca said very reasonably. “What happened?” 

Saul wiped a tear from his eye. “I wished I looked like Kevin Costner, but I guess my own looks aren’t so bad. A heatstroke really affected me, though, when me and Mike got lost in the desert together.” 

“Are you okay?” Francesca asked, suddenly concerned. “What happened to Mike?” 

“Oh, he’s healthy,” Jimmy said with a gentle smile, not wanting to think of what happened to him; the truth was, he had no idea what happened to Mike. Walter White came into his life and destroyed his sense of security; everywhere he turned, he saw Walter White. Even a pale, bald man on the street, no matter how harmless he was, terrified Jimmy. Mike had been the exception. Jimmy felt terrified considering the likelihood that Walter had killed him. “I just miss him so much. It wasn’t love that drove us together, but something more intense.” 

“Something more intense?” Francesca asked. “Like what?” 

Jimmy shivered, looking up at the New Mexico clouds, in New Mexico. “I really don't want to talk about it.” 

“Did you have crawdads in your pants?” Francesca asked gently, attempting to humor Jimmy. She could recall very well when he'd taught her how to answer phones in his business; she knew the right words to say, but she didn't know what to say now. “I heard that happened to Huell.”

Saul paused, uncertain of how to proceed with that. Francesca wasn't entirely aware of everything that had happened; that gave her an incredible advantage that he wouldn't dare take away from her. Thinking back to when he was young, Saul began to recall his childhood, when he worked at a gas station with his father. “When I was young, I read everything. I read receipts at the gas station, and I read stories about... _pies_. Those stories encouraged me to take certain pictures and videos that I regret.” Daniel Wormald came to mind. Daniel, known by his pseudonym Pryce, survived the humiliation of sitting in pies, but Jimmy would never recover from the guilt in his heart when Kim recognized he'd done something wrong. Saul swallowed a lump in his throat. 

“That’s perverted,” Francesca told Saul, evidently entertained, not entirely understanding the context of the _pie stories_. “Let’s go inside. The heat in Albuquerque is _oppressive_.” 

“It _is_ oppressive,” Saul vented, yearning to be back in a cold climate. As the two of them walked into his law office. The waiting room was empty, just as he’d cleared everything out. “I don't know what I'm going to do once I get out of here.” He knew that the vacuum repair shop would be an option; _Best Quality Vacuum_ was the answer to his problems. He'd never forget the way Jesse spoke to him, doubtful and incredulous because he'd given him a _Hello Kitty_ phone.

“What do you want to do when you're out of Albuquerque?” Francesca asked Jimmy, her voice empathetic. 

“Absolutely jack shit. Walter White lied to me,” Saul cried. “He never should have used me to poison a child. He told me it was going to be a good idea, that it would help the situation, and..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Overcome with anxiety, he felt as if he could throw up; he remained stable, but he knew that it could happen, so he sat down in his office, eyeing the wall that he'd put so much time into creating. _We the people,_ it began, though the rest of the words became rather blurry when he tried to read them. Perhaps he was experiencing an ocular migraine; he took his anxiety medication. Breathing in, and breathing out, he knew that he could make himself enter somewhere frightening if he believed he'd profit from it.

_The natural response is to flee,_ he thought to himself. He wanted nothing more than to be away from Albuquerque, even though he'd helped so many people stay safe and out of trouble.

"The desert is a little bit too intense for me," Saul told Francesca, awaiting the benefits of his medication. He looked over the wall again, remembering just why he'd built his office: to help out those less privileged than himself. He understood that everyone deserved a second chance, and that included addicts, trauma survivors, and anyone at risk of wrongful conviction.

_Everything_ about Walter Hartwell White Sr. terrified Saul.

“You can do something better,” Francesca told Saul, understanding the terrifying situation that Saul was in. She didn't need to question his name change, or his interest in starting a new life. Walter White was always going to be a threat, even if Francesca hadn't had much firsthand experience with him. Walter White was truly _abysmal_.

Saul smiled hopefully, trying to ignore the pain of dry-swallowing his medication. He knew that it wouldn't be healthy for him in the long-run, to take pills without washing them down with a non-alcoholic beverage, but the fear of being killed by Walter White would forever disturb him. “You think so?” 

“I know so,” Francesca told Saul and gave him a hug. Saul leaned into the hug, resting his head upon her shoulder.

“I'm really scared,” Saul admitted, his mind filled with grief and terror, tears in his eyes. Perhaps some day he'd find acceptance, with anonymity; if nobody knew who he was, his own life would be at risk.

“I do,” Francesca told Saul. “I know you're going to make wonderful decisions. You don’t need hair to be a good man, Saul Goodman. You just need a good heart.” 

“Thank you,” Saul told Francesca. When he strode into his office, he had only two things in the forefront of his mind, Walter White’s terrifying presence and a way _out_ of Albuquerque. 


End file.
